My Bitter End
Today, as I was naming my chest hairs, I noticed that my freshly waxed ass was so shiny that as the sunbeams bounced off its perfectly domed surface, they so intensified in strength that they were able to pushed over a lamp. I remeber when Nikola Tesla mentioned to me that if I wasn't careful, my ass could become a weapon. At the time I thought he was joking; now I'm not so sure. The last thing I want is for my heavenly hinney to hurt the planet; all I've ever wanted was for it to spread the joy it was meant to spread when god created it out of an angel and sent in down to earth wrapped in the golden fleece that is me.
This isn't the first time my buttt (spelled with three T's because, come on) has been beyond my control. In the late eighties, it forclosed on a house and sent a family out into the streets to starve. Later that year, it lost a balloon blowing competition and punched the presiding judge right in the mouth for several hours.
I'm fantastic, how are you community?
Entry Two...THAT YOU CAN SEE!
I like the idea of having someone care about me and care FOR me, brushing and flossing my teeth and shinning my head and milking my cows and making sure every last piece of dandruf is nitpickingly pulled from my scalp. People who really love you don't mind taking out the garbage for you and eating the vegetables off your plate at applebees and peeing on you because you think it's sexy.
If someone REALLY loved you they'd let you have a three girl foursome and not ask for a three guy foursome in return. If someone REEEEEEALLLLY loved you they'd let you play with their boobs on the bus and they wouldn't get mad at you for pulling their underpants down in public and then not letting them pull them back up because you have your foot on them and you're laughing at them so hard that milk come out of your unmentionables.
After this, I'm Going to Give Myself a Piggyback Ride
This is my me community for me, and unless you're me -- you're not, cause only I'm me, making you you, and thus significantly less me than I am. Do you want to join? Go on, try! Common try again, I promise I'll let you in -- oh, sorry, I must not have heard you over the sound of my sexy hip hugger jeans rubbing against my kickass blonde thor hair.
So what are you missing out on? Well, having won the world's cutest belly button contest eight times has left me with a lot of really cute pictures of my really cute belly button, and they're all posted here where only me and other people who also happen to be me can see them. God, are they adorable! They're so adorable, I have to make this community public and share the wealth! Well, maybe later; I'm too busy making kissy faces at myself in the mirror.